omg im so worried you have no idea

I'm worried that I have an anxiety disorder.

HAH. But seriously, my heart is racing constantly and I'm always short of breath. I can't stop NEEDING TO PEEEEEEE and if someone so much as gives me a look I worry about it all day. I'm ALWAYS SWEATING and I dread everything, I'm tense and jumpy, I hate talking to most people, I'm restless, I never feel safe, etc etc etc.

Mother fucking textbook symptoms.

But I'm trying not to think about it since it will add to the cycle and then I will have a heart attack and die.

Here's a list of THINGS I'M WORRYING ABOUT CURRENTLY. Please note that right now I'm on an American college tour in a small group of six without my parents/anyone close to me and I hate everyone.

Anyways, proceed:

• Being mugged and the shit beat out of me
• Being raped
• Being abducted
• Losing expensive shit (e.g. my camera, laptop)
• Plane crashing and dying (4 flights)
• Not being able to sleep at night
• My eyes (apparently I have a pterygium or how ever you spell that. And I'm worried it's spreading to my other eye. And I'm worried my medication is going to run out and it's going to get SO MUCH WORSE. And I'm worried that it's permanent (it is, unless you get surgery and I'm worrying about that too)
• Failing exams because of this trip.
• Not getting into my AS classes since I failed my exams.
• Not getting into a good college and FAILING AT LIFE AND DYING.
• Getting into a good college and racking up shitloads of debt (you can never win!).
• People talking to me about deep shit.
• My dad talking to me about fucking marrying someone behind my back.
• My mum talking to me about how much my dad sucks and being crazy.
• Doing something wrong and my dad yelling at me for ages.
• Going back to NZ and sucking at tennis and not getting into prems which means I'll DIE. Not being able to improve/re-learn what I've forgotten over these 2 weeks. My team-mates getting into prems and me not. My ranking dropping and not being able to get into prems. My ranking dropping and not being able to play tournaments. My dad lecturing me. Trying to practise and having to talk to That Guy who makes me have mild panic attacks.
• Not doing enough co-curriculars.
• Doing too many co-curriculars.
• Doing the wrong co-curriculars.
• Taking the wrong subjects.
• Being wrong.
• Being right.
• Not treating people well enough.
• Having a heart attack and dying.
• What if he's a serial killer.
• Being a shit person.
• Disappointing people I care about.
• Stressing too much.

whooo...